I found this list of things that I wrote, saved as 'What
is my true purpose in life'. Sometimes I write stuff as a diary, to remember
things and my thoughts; then I read them later and remember how something felt.
I remember writing this... I found this idea online, of making a list to find
something new about yourself and set some goals as well. Now, more than a year
later, I'm reading this and some of the listings make me think twice. I definitely
went deep, when I was writing it, so I'd like to share and discuss some of the
stuff I wrote, which is meaningful to me on a completely different level.
These are not in any order of importance; I’m just
pointing them out of the list. And others are either too personal or too
random, a.k.a. what majority wants to accomplish. Here we go.
1. To become
something, that right now I have no clue at all
I was always ambitious, always wanted to try new
things and do stuff that I didn't even know I'm able to do. I always crave for
new adventures, seeing places I’ve never seen; meet people that right now I don’t
know exist. They may contribute to my lifelong story someday, you can never
know. I’m that type of person, who believes that your actions now affect your
future. Nothing happens ‘just because’ or because it is meant for you. I do
believe that it is only you who decide whether you take those chances or not. Do you
want different life in few years, evolve it? Then take an opportunity you heard
about, but didn’t believe that you can be the right person for it. You will
never know without trying.
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| Source: own albums - Osorščica, Croatia: 2015 |
2. To tell him about my feelings for him
I’d like to point this one out for one and one reason
only. Missed chances. I held back my feelings for way too long and guess what
happened. Life moved on for both of us, we drifted apart and all that is left
is an old friendship and memories on funny things we’ve done. Whoever is
reading this, I want to make sure that you do understand that you just HAVE TO
tell what’s on your mind. Sure, it is hard; it can ruin your friendship and
drive you apart, but hear me out. Is it really better to drift apart after few
years of a great friendship, because the stories changed, after all you’ve been
thinking all along is how to tell him and if he feels the same; than loose a
possible friend at the start, because he just doesn’t see you this way? Bottom
line, at least you know from the start. Do yourself a favour so there won’t be
any regrets years later. Take it from me as I learned it the hard way.
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| Source: Pinterest |
3. To find out
who I really am
To accept who
I really am
To tell
people who I really am
Finding these three really hit me hard. I had troubles
with identity for quite a while and I was not in a good place. So I made it
easier for me and accept what I know about myself. There’s plenty more that I
don’t know yet, also; so there will really never be an end to self-defining,
but at least I keep this in mind and take it as a fact, not an obstacle. You have
to be honest with yourself, others come after… To feel good in your own skin is
the most important here.
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| Source: my albums: Me before attending a fair :) |
4. Not to disappoint
parents
For me, this one is the one that got me thinking the
most. I have so many characteristics that my parents either don’t know about or
don’t accept. Minor stuff I’d say. But as I grew older, I matured and made own decisions,
now there are many things that I didn’t share with my parents. Part of my life
is hidden from them, mostly because I’m not living regularly with them anymore.
I come back every other weekend, but otherwise I live on the other side of the
country. I wouldn’t say that it is a bad thing that they don’t know me that
well anymore, it is just tough to think, that one day I will probably share my
stories and what I do etc. and they might look differently on me because of
that. I’ve always been scared to death that my parents wouldn’t approve
something in my life. My family is very important to me, as much as their
opinions. So I think that this fear that I have, disappointing parents, will
stay with me for the rest of my life. I think I will always have this voice in
my head, saying “Is this something my family would approve?” This matters to me
as much as I need to hear “I’m proud of you” from any member of my family. You know,
the feeling that your family stands behind your actions. I need it.
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| Source: Cyanide and Happiness |
Check my video Letter to my younger self on Youtube, where I gave advise to my 15-years old myself. It's a message that I would appreciate back then.
Here's a Vlog from the most dark days of my confusement about myself, titled as I'm not living my life as myself.
For more regular updates from my life, add me on Snapchat: tanci94
Heads up, cherish every moment of your life.
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| Source: my albums: Snapchat |
tanci94
