Biggest Mistake - I Let Him Go
Whenever I play some old songs on
my guitar, that I used to play when I felt so in love with that one guy, I
immediately remember all of it all over again. Feels like I'm getting pushed
through all emotions that I had back there. So I played that Chester
Sees song Everything on my guitar, and that song made me remember everything
again. Whoever is reading this, must be thinking that I feel sad or depressed
right now, but the truth is, that I like to remember it, have thoughts about
him, even though we haven't talked in a long time, not to mention how long
we haven't seen each other. Gosh, I miss him. As a friend, if nothing else. He
was the one, who always brought smile on my face, made me laugh and brightened
my day.
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There's a thing that I need to admit
to myself and to the world, to realize for real, that I SCREWED IT UP. I made
the biggest mistake of my life. And I will never forgive myself for what and
how I did it. I LET HIM GO. I just … watched him leave and I did nothing. And
when I say »let him go«, I mean literally ... go. I had the chance of making
something out of the situation that we were in. It could be so simple. It would
change the my-life story. But no, I watched him slowly drive away from the driveway
of my house.
We spent the day full of suprises. That
summer day was better than any ever planned. Actually, the time that we spent
together was around 3 hours, but it felt like whole day, so much things worth
remembering happened. Spent the day outside and then in his home, but the point
is, that he drove me home at the end. I left the car, I was standing almost at the
front door, and I was looking at him through the mirror in the car, noticing that he was also looking at me. So we just froze for like five seconds
and then I made that goddamn mistake. I shouldn't have moved to the front door like I am
leaving inside the house. Because of that move, he logically drove on to the
road. But there's something he doesn't know. When I stepped away from the point
where he could see me, I sit down on the stair in front of the door and buried
my head in my hands, thinking 'why am I doing this?'. Like that, I waited to
hear the sound of wheels on gravel. While listening to this sound, I knew. I
knew, that was the biggest mistake I ever made. If I could re-do that day, it
would probably end differently. If you, dear
reader, are still reading this, now you know, why I said that I literally let
him go.
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To this day, my feelings for him
haven't changed, I just haven't seen him in so long, his picture is fading. I
would do something, if I just knew he feels anything close to what I feel. And
it's not just feelings, it's also attraction, physical attraction that I feel for
him, zero other boys made me craving for them. To get the picture – he just has
to anyhow ask for it, to get it, big time. Well, this heart-breaking story just
got a dirty twist, but hey, I'm just writing the truth down.
While thinking how
to describe my desire for him, I came across this thought, which describes how
I see him the best.
Believe it or not, I think I would rather have a woman, than have any other man than him.
tanci94
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