Valentine's Day: Yay or Nay?

This years Valentine's Day is like any other. Every year there are couples holding hands and giving each other presents, every year there are married couples who don't specifically celebrate it, just feel more passion in the air and have their special evening. There are families with kids, where parents explain the meaning of a Valentine in a really cute way to their kids. There are fresh couples who just got together in February, they don't even know much about the other half, so they buy each other teddy bears and chocolates. This year, there will be tons of people gathering at watching 50 Shades of Grey on the big screen. 

Source: www.deviantart.com

And then, there's us. Single ones. Doesn't matter how old, where from, gender or race, on Valentine's we ask ourselves where are we going with our lifes and if we are ever going to find a partner. There are also single people who celebrate being single on this day, often finding someone as 'last minute' match, you know, just because it's Valentine's Day. 

Every person sees this 'holiday' differently, with different meanings, so I'll say, let it be yours. Celebrate whatever the hell you want and however you want. A good book or a movie with right amount of food will be just as nice as holding tight to a loved one. The list of things to do is never ending, and you might as well begin at 'I-feel-like-crap' point and finish at 'this-day-turned-out-to-be-great'. Let it be yours.

tanci94

When Do I Feel Most Weak?

I was thinking about my life and where I am going with it, and I asked myself this question.

'When do I feel most weak?'

Thinking about it, I realized my reasons of weakness. It happens, when I don’t feel heard. When friends don’t contact me back when I desperately need their words or talk. Sometimes I don’t even ask someone for talk or hanging out, just because deep inside I know he/she won’t take time for me anyway. So why would I bother asking then?

Source: www.sodahead.com

I won’t lie, I am getting afraid of feelings that I have lately. And of my thinking. I don’t know, if it is just because it’s this time or the year (Valentine’s Day) when people are happy, and I’m drowning in sorrows, or it is something bigger, that’s is getting its form inside me. And lately, I’m scared of that option number two. Because if that is true, it might lead to depression and constantly feeling down, maybe later I wouldn’t be able to escape it anymore.

Source: kthirteen.deviantart.com 

I believe that I’m not the only one feeling this way, having second thoughts about my life directions and so on … but I just wish I had a buddy to cope this sh*t with. On other hand, I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore, just because I became a little different from what I was before. I am afraid to open myself completely to someone and tell what’s going on. There are moments when I try to do it or I’m thinking about it, but I just don’t. I’m afraid. I’m that little bug in a shell, never coming out of it. I just made that illusion of myself. Oh well, at least I know where I am right now. Or I don’t, because I’m still searching for the answer to “Who am I?”. 

Help me.

I made a YouTube Vlog I'm not living my life as myself, here's a bit of what I am going through right now.
You can check my Pinterest board Tomboy. where I pin photos of tomboys, example of what I want to let out, be like other tomboys, who have the guts to be themselves.

tanci94