When Do I Feel Most Weak?

I was thinking about my life and where I am going with it, and I asked myself this question.

'When do I feel most weak?'

Thinking about it, I realized my reasons of weakness. It happens, when I don’t feel heard. When friends don’t contact me back when I desperately need their words or talk. Sometimes I don’t even ask someone for talk or hanging out, just because deep inside I know he/she won’t take time for me anyway. So why would I bother asking then?

Source: www.sodahead.com

I won’t lie, I am getting afraid of feelings that I have lately. And of my thinking. I don’t know, if it is just because it’s this time or the year (Valentine’s Day) when people are happy, and I’m drowning in sorrows, or it is something bigger, that’s is getting its form inside me. And lately, I’m scared of that option number two. Because if that is true, it might lead to depression and constantly feeling down, maybe later I wouldn’t be able to escape it anymore.

Source: kthirteen.deviantart.com 

I believe that I’m not the only one feeling this way, having second thoughts about my life directions and so on … but I just wish I had a buddy to cope this sh*t with. On other hand, I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore, just because I became a little different from what I was before. I am afraid to open myself completely to someone and tell what’s going on. There are moments when I try to do it or I’m thinking about it, but I just don’t. I’m afraid. I’m that little bug in a shell, never coming out of it. I just made that illusion of myself. Oh well, at least I know where I am right now. Or I don’t, because I’m still searching for the answer to “Who am I?”. 

Help me.

I made a YouTube Vlog I'm not living my life as myself, here's a bit of what I am going through right now.
You can check my Pinterest board Tomboy. where I pin photos of tomboys, example of what I want to let out, be like other tomboys, who have the guts to be themselves.

tanci94